Welcome to Holland

This is a LONG post.....but do read on. This happened a few months ago, and in light of the school year ending and a recent visit to a friends blog....I have some thoughts to share about my son Pearce.

"Tonight I had a tender moment in the grocery store, and I debated whether or not to blog this, but my sister said 'yes' and since she's always right.....here it is. ;-)
Brock is deployed right now, and I had a few last minute things to pick up at the grocery store tonight (Saturday) so that meant that I had both kids with me at 7p.m. This is something I usually try to avoid at all costs, but with the Hubby gone, you gotta do what you gotta do. In the next isle over we listened for a few minutes to one of the worst tantrums I have ever heard. This child was definitely loosing it in the produce section and from my vantage point I could tell, practically the whole store could hear it. Of course my mind immediately began to question whether this child was on the autism spectrum or a typical kid. Either way, I immediately felt so much empathy and sadness for what those parents were going through. I could see the reactions of everyone around me and their discomfort. I knew those parents were probably doing everything in their power to quiet their child, to move on and just grocery shop. And then out of the blue, a lady commented to me, "It makes me realize how easy I've got it". And I realized that she made the comment to me, because my kids, my Pearce, was acting socially appropriate. I realized that a year ago, I had been where that lady in the next isle is now. My heart ached for so many reasons. I felt so much joy in realizing how far we have actually come. I felt sadness, and hope for the mom in the next isle over. I felt the gratitude from the lady with the comment and realized that she would never understand what the lady in the next isle was going through and she didn't understand who it was she shared her comment with.
With all of these mixed emotions swirling in me, I became teary in the crowded Vogelweh commissary at 7pm on a Saturday night!

There are so many opinions about my son and me as a mom, I have refrained from blogging anything about Pearce. If you met him today, he is a typical, happy, beautiful (in my biased opinion :-) and very energetic boy. If you knew him when we first moved to Germany you would have seen the developmentally delayed, echolalic, melt down, self injurious Pearce. Doctors were sure he was PDD, but unsure about giving him the actual Autism label. He got both labels, and I therefore, got many opinions, both educated and not. But I didn't care, all I wanted was help for me and my son, and boy did we get some fantastic help!

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Emily Perl Kingsley- This woman raised a child with Downs Syndrome. She was asked to describe her experience in raising a special needs child, and this is what she came up with.

I heard this poem when I was in college training to be, of all things, a special ed teacher. I did not, however, expect to visit Holland myself. Those who have known our family over the last few years have seen the amazing progress of our little guy and can without a doubt say that Pearce is NOT the same kid we brought to Germany. I have refrained from posting anything about Pearce for many reasons, but I just want to send out a special Thank- you to those who have helped us over the last few years; to all the teachers and therapists, good friends, family members, and non-judgmental associates. Without all of you, we would not have seen such wonderful progress. I couldn't have done it alone. And as a side note, having actually visited both Holland and Italy, Holland is definitely worth the trip!